Rules on Whom to Marry

I have finally found it, a gold nugget, another's wisdom distilled into relatively readable form: The Rules on Whom (Not) to Marry! (thanks to feminine-genius)

It could also be entitled, "Who Are Ready to Marry?" or even (if I had had the life experience to compose it) "Signs of the Lower Echelon." Some of you may remember my musings on what I termed "lower echelon guys"--and I hope, as you read it, you realized I did not mean any slight to guys in general. The problem with marrying, or seeking to marry, those who are not truly prepared for marriage is that, like in public school education, the focus tends to go towards the lowest common denominator.

I especially liked these "Rules," however, because though in list form they eminently are not a checklist. They don't tell you what you are looking for, because you should know that yourself. You should know yourself well enough to seek a partner who complements your strengths and abilities. The list serves to provide general guidelines, because as they point out in #18, "People in love are about the most gullible creatures on God's green earth." I liked the bit about sisters too--and that may even apply to extremely close girl friends who, if allowed to speak freely, will often voice similar insights and intuitions.

Finally, I liked the nod at normality (the introduction to the rules part reminded me a lot of my own alma mater as well). We should be normal--even if no one else is. Now, it is uncharitable to characterize others as abnormal to their faces, and to some extent to dwell on it interiorly is not always helpful. Nevertheless, finding a spouse is about reaching a norm, a place in your life that you can be comfortable in for years to come. That is why you cannot give yourself in marriage unless you have "achieved normalcy," in some sense. Be normal, and be well.

Can shorts be feminine?

Too much of the dialogue concerning femininity centers upon matters of dress. On the other hand, since women love dress, perhaps it's not too much per se, but it does have the tendency to continue ad nauseam. The feminine spirit cannot be distilled into a skirt, long, short, soft, flowy, or otherwise. Yet, to truly imitate Our Lady, a woman must understand and live modesty as part of her specific mission. A lot of that has to do with dress. Therefore, the question of this post is one of a practical nature that could be discussed with profit. Is there a place in a woman's wardrobe for shorts of moderate length? Under what circumstances can this garment be employed (and enjoyed) by ladies? :)

A Ladylike Blog

Of all the blogs I look at and check frequently, Tea at Trianon by Elena Maria Vidal ranks high on the list in both content and style. The author is most definitely a lady, and the topics she chooses to discuss are varied yet always of interest. Moreover, she chooses lovely illustrations for her posts and keeps the layout of her online journal clean and elegant. If there can be said to be an art to blogging, Ms. Vidal has proven a master artist.

Our Lady of Guadalupe

Our Lady of Guadalupe shows us most gloriously how to live as feminine and beautiful women. She brings the gift of motherhood to everyone, regardless of social status, thereby providing an example to all women of the gentleness and openness we must use in approaching our neighbor. She is soft and motherly, and her promise is that she will pour out her care on her children. Notice her rich mantle, the mantle that she will use to wrap around those who pray for her protective embrace; it is covered with stars, for she wraps her arms around the entire world! This is why she appeared to St. Juan Diego, so that the extent of her dominion of love (which has been revealed by the Church from the earliest times) might continue to be known by all. Also, in the traditional veneration of this image, Our Lady is surrounded by flowers! In a recent film, the father of one of the main characters observed, "All women love flowers." We do, because they are a symbol of beauty so fresh and perfect it can only come from God. They symbolize what we ourselves must do to the world, to enliven it with color, to fill it with wonderful fragrance, to live out our bloom and our fading with dignity. Let us ask for the intercession of Our Lady of Guadalupe to fulfill our feminine vocation and fill us with the love that knows no bounds.

Asking

Our Lord is the Bridegroom and His Church is His bride: so what does he tell us? He implores us to ask for things! Ask and it shall be given you (Matt 7:7), whatever you ask for in prayer you will receive (Matt 21:22), if you ask anything in my name I will do it (John 14:14), ask and you shall receive that your joy may be full (John 16:24). There are countless other verses in the New Testament which emphasize the necessity of asking, asking with faith and trust in our Bridegroom, Jesus Christ. We can take this back to the natural level and see how in the feminine vocation, asking is of fundamental importance. Ask and you shall receive. The keynote of woman is her receptivity (cf. The Privilege of Being a Woman, Alice von Hildebrand), and how can we receive if we never ask? This can become a problem not only in our relationship with God, but even more so in our relationships with men. How fatal to expect that a man know what we need before we ask him! On the other hand, how liberating to ask and trust in a loving response. C.S. Lewis, in his concluding chapter of The Four Loves, discusses an often-overlooked aspect of charity: the transformation and supernaturalization of our need-love for others. Charity is not just giving, but also, in a mysterious way, receiving. To ask someone for something may actually be an act of love for that person. In the relationships between men and women, for the woman to request is a golden opportunity for the man to sacrifice and give.